It isn't the question of "What's wrong with me?" It's the question of "What happened to me?"

A big question that most of us ask ourselves when we are suffering is, "What is wrong with me?". This question makes a lot of sense. When we start to realize we are suffering more than usual we begin to question things. In our highly individualistic culture, the first thing we might begin to question is - ourselves. When we look at ourselves, we infer that if we are suffering it must have something to do with us - more specifically something that might be "wrong" with ourselves. Is it because we are weak? Are we viewing life "wrongly"? Do we have a disorder? Do we have a genetic predisposition? Again - based on the mind and worldview we have inherited from an individualistic culture, these questions make sense.

However, they only make sense when looking at the human experience in a limited way, through a constricted set of glasses. The reality is, as a human, everything we go through right now is inherently connected to the past - as well as the future. If we are experiencing pain and suffering in the moment, some part of it is often connected to our past. Once we begin to get curious and inquire into our lives and the complexities of our emotional and cognitive experiences, we see the connections to past events more clearly.

As we start to see the situation of our life clearly and with more depth, we quickly see the truth of the matter. The reason for our suffering is not something that is "wrong with us", it is a result of something that has "happened to us". With this realization comes a release of anxious energy due to self-understanding and a chance to make meaning of our suffering. With this realization we also experience a switch from a feeling of personal deficiency, unworthiness, shame and guilt, to a feeling of compassion for ourselves and what we have been through in our life.

From this place of self-understanding and compassion we can then more effectively chose the right course of action to effectively heal from our past, take back our power, and have the autonomy to live the life we truly want to live!

A story to illustrate this point:

A man experiences high levels of anxiety and panic for many years and decides to put effort into healing. At first he sees his anxiety as a result of his drinking and possibly due to a "mental disorder" or a genetic issue. As his healing process continues he starts to reflect on experiences as a child. He remembers times when his parents would leave him at their friend's house for the weekend. Bad things happened to him at this house. He reflects on the harm that happened on those weekends ad remembers what it felt like to be in their care. It was terrifying. He felt scared and often experienced panic. As this man remembers these feelings he realizes that these feelings are the exact same as the ones he walks around with as an adult. Because he felt these feelings from a young age, he began to be fearful of all people. This fear resulted in social anxiety, which led to patterns of heavy drinking. Coming full circle this man now sees that the anxiety is not caused by something wrong with him. It is a result of what has happened to him in his life. With this realization comes a sense of self-worth that he hasn't before felt. Because of this he now feels worthy of living a fulfilling life. He begins to make choices in his life that help him rather than hurt him and soon enough life starts to change.